My identity... is found...
when I drive this car...
when I walk into this apartment...
when I listen to this music, read these books, wear these clothes, work this job, take up these hobbies, and act these certain ways.
Must I be so validated by a jury of peers? Must I be so validated by myself?

How brilliant it would be to live in the wilderness... with nothing but the clothes on your back. How amazing it would be actually having to live..just to survive... to truly become connected with the earth... to live with her... take care of her... because she takes care of you. O' how you might truly find your identity... O' how you might really know yourself. The setting of the wilderness telling you the character you are and the story that is being told. Certainly there would be no finding your identity in possessions, trends, or knowledge... only the task to live, survive, and enjoy another day. How could you not meet the Creator while living in and with all His created... Him telling you who you are each day you get by... each day you truly live the life you were meant for.

First day of snow here in Lincoln. It's a very light, soft snow. I took a walk in it this morning... it was quite beautiful. The wind was piercing and the snow was blown around effortlessly by the wind... but in the tranquil areas, where the wind could not touch the snow, the snow fell so aimlessly and yet so eloquently.

I find hope in the snow. Something that exists naturally that is so beautiful, pure, and innocent. In its floating around it is so simply full of wonder. It is only tainted once it hits the ground... which gets me to thinking that we were meant to fly. But we have fallen...
and hit the ground...
and been ever so tainted.
I can only hope that one day the wind will pick us back up again... and we will float around as beautiful, pure, and innocent as the snow.

I am horrible at remembering things. Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. I only knew this because the reminder on my phone went off while I was writing a paper about international political economics. I forget about everything...even about the things that are very dear to me; details in conversations with people that I love, I will let my mind run and space off and appear to be listening, but really I'm thousands of miles away...and two days later the conversation will cross my mind and I’ll have no recollection.

I even forget about my spirituality sometimes... about the situation I find myself in with the God of the universe. Then I have to remember: No matter how hard I try, no matter how good I try to be, no matter how righteous I can try to make my life…I am still not worthy or deserving of the gifts that my Father in heaven gives. My righteousness, my purity, my salvation have already been given to me through Christ. My broken nature has been reconciled to Christ and I have done nothing to warrant this kind of love.
So I must remember and questions myself: Why do I do the things I do? Why do I try to live a blameless and righteous lifestyle? The answer is not because I must make myself pure and holy before God, He has already done for me what I could not do anyway. The answer is... because I love Christ. My motivations must be a response to the love that Christ has for me. Honestly, I am no good, but I wish to love Christ.

So I choose to love Him,
to make decisions that will reflect my love for Him,
and to be grateful for the love of Christ and the grace of the Father.

I don't like this about myself...my forgetfulness...the busy lifestyle I push myself into that distracts me from things that really are worth remembering. This is something I can change... this isn't something that is 'simply a part of life'... I can and I will choose to slow down... as to thoroughly enjoy life...to take it in fully...and remember.